Phyllisophically: True friends give light, not shade

And ultimately, the win isn’t who has the most friends, but rather holding onto those who weather the storms and remain loyal, kind and trustworthy.

Two examples come to mind, from the “what not to do” category.

When I was in fourth grade, a little boy sat behind me on the bus. He decided to tell me, “You’re ugly!” Every. Single. Day. It quickly grew old and yet I allowed myself to be held hostage by the repeated message.

I’ve shared this as an adult and many have tried to convince me little boys do that, suggesting it just means that they like you. True or not, my takeaway was to feel very hurt and rejected. If it was friendship he sought, it was an epic fail.

Fast forward decades, when I found myself working with someone who must’ve read the same playbook. At one point, she was reassigned and I was asked to step in. But then she started showing up and making it most difficult for me however she could.

Like the little boy on the bus, it may not have been obvious to others but on a regular basis she would quietly tell me, “They want me, not you,” sending a very clear message of resentment.

At one point, someone called her out for being a bully, to me and others. Wonder of wonders, she changed tactics and began treating me better. I wasn’t totally trusting, but when she apologized it seemed sincere enough that I readily forgave and moved on.

Time passed and I was very grateful. When I wound up giving up the assignment, it went back to her. It didn’t matter, though, because after all, friendship is always way more important than “winning,” right?

Oddly, even after all that, the same biting comment continued. Why? Surely that’s not the way a true friend behaves.

It’s hard. It’s painful. Sometimes we want the friendship so much we put up with behavior longer than we should.

Until we remember genuine friends won’t put you down or pull you down. It should be a reciprocal exchange of lifting one another up.

I recently heard Joel Osteen say that what causes a boat to sink isn’t the water around it, but when the water gets inside. In my heart, I didn’t let any of the hurtful words inside, as I knew it was coming from one person with an agenda.

My parents, whom I’ve admired most in this world, dealt with their own mean-spirited folks. Heck, the most perfect One of all, Jesus Christ, came under attack and still gave His life to save mankind.

So who am I to play victim?

I will always choose to give to those who can’t possibly pay back, and turn the other cheek. But as my dear departed mom always told me, nowhere in the Bible does it say we’re to be a doormat.

Life is filled with crossroads moments. We can choose to be bitter or better.

Lessons like this can hurt us or help us, as we determine what kind of friend we will, or won’t, be. And who we allow inside our boat.